Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Queen Invents New Military Award Today


Buckingham Palace, 1859: Queen Victoria today instituted Britain’s highest military decoration, the Victoria Cross (VC). The medal is awarded to British Empire armed forces for outstanding bravery ‘on the field of battle’. The medals will be made from the metal of cannon recently captured from the Russians at Sevastopol.

This picture shows Corporal Philip Smith of the 17th Regiment, who won the Victoria Cross five years ago for rescuing an officer during the attack on the Redan in the Siege of Sevastopol.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Needed: Merlin Engine Bendix-Stromberg PD18, Type G-9 pump


So frustrating.


I've got to get this kite into the sky so I can thrash Jerry.
No, not that Jerry

Here's Tom's Original Video


If you watch Tom Cruise's video here and compare it line for line with Jerry O'Connell's it either enhances or diminishes the genius that was the parody. It would have been funnier for me if Jerry was just riffing all that stuff about KFC Chicken. Instead it turns out that he's doing a line for line parody with a few subtle words replaced. For example, ". . . KFC, it's just good chicken . . ." replaces "KSW" whatever that is.


Anyway, Jerry O'Connell gets credit for signing his own death warrant.
As is obvious from this snapshot of him accosting an unknown person; when he's stalking prey, Tom Cruise has the leaping ability of a Jaguar.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Jerry O'Connell Joins Alec Baldwin as Hollywood Celebrity who I used to hate but now admire.


This video of Jerry O'Connell spoofing Tom Cruise is AMAZING!
See the link!


I flat out had nothing but loathing for Jerry O'Connell ("Kangaroo Jack") based on his obvious deal-with-the-Devil that netted him (despite an apparent lack of talent), hot women, choice roles, and tons of money.


Now, that has all changed. My new hero Jerry O'Connell has parodied Tom Cruise so successfully and heroically that it is either:


  • A parody blessed by Tom Cruise - preliminary to him leaving our world

  • Jerry's deal with the Devil has made him bullet-proof to the eventual attacks of the Scientology kooks (oops, I've just subjected myself to that . . .sorry Xenu)

  • Jerry just thinks he's bullet proof and he'll be dead in a week

  • Jerry is bored with life

What surprising display of talent by a formerly perceived no talent is next? Will Yasmin Bleeth successfully portray good Queen Bess at the Old Vic? Will Chris Tucker take on the role of Heisenberg in the film version of "Copenhagen"? Or will Dave Coulier ("Full House") nail the role of Henry Kissinger?

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Tying One On!

What! What! If you like tying one on as much as I do, you'll be sure to appreciate the linked webpage. There's nothing I like more than tying one on, unless it's putting a boot to the natives, which I also enjoy, by jove.

Ripping Yarns in the Aether! Huzzah!

Poetry Corner

ODE TO VICTORIAN PLUMBING (HUZZAH!)

Oh vex’d valve

Oh vex’d limb

That causeth thy waters to swirl

Ere I were to ancient times transported

To face my Scylla and Charibdis

But, lo

Stay my hand

For thy chrom’d appendage doth not respond to mine entreat

Forsooth, call out to the gods above in Olympus

And their Grecian Urns

A curse upon the vendor for my Hellespont lacks such tempest!

Bring forth the Sloan Urinal Valve repair-man!

And his green instructional booklet

For only he may set matters right

No matter how many curious washers

Stand in his path

He shall not be dissuaded from his task

To cleanse the 7th floor men’s restroom

Of odors foul and repugnant

Oh bless’d day when you arrived

On feet as fleet as Hermes’

Like unto the Assyrians as wolf to sheep

You fell upon your duty

And vanquished said Sloan Valve

With might and rectitude

-Lord Byron XVIth, 2001

Thursday, January 17, 2008

The Flashman Phenomena


Thanks to Herr Penna we know of a Christopher Hitchen's obitiuary for the author George Macdonald Fraser who wrote a series known as the Flashman Papers. Follow this link for more information. Its very interesting historical fiction.


that is all.

Monday, January 14, 2008

When to Form Square

The discipline of infantry is never put to a severer test than when it is required to resist a charge of cavalry, properly made. The moral effect of a charge of a body of horse at full speed, on the troops waiting to receive it, is like that caused by the swift approach of a locomotive under full steam, seeming quite as irresistible. It would be so in reality, but for the counter effect produced both on the horses and their riders by the sight of the infantry standing firm and reserving its fire. I have been told by an old cuirassier officer, who served through the campaigns of Napoleon with distinguished bravery, that there was no operation that his regiment so much dreaded as a charge upon well-disciplined infantry.

When a horse is urged against the terrible face of the infantry square, more resembling a living volcano than any phalanx of human invention, when his sight is obscured by clouds of rolling smoke, only broken by the quick flash of the musket and the occasional gleam of the bayonet, the animal becomes bewildered with terror, and wheeling around, in spite of reign and spur, rushes from the unequal conflict, where he seems to know almost by instinct that his destruction is instant and inevitable. Let any one, officer or soldier, who has ever charged a square, deny, if he can, the truth of this picture. Nay, let the experiment be tried on how near a squadron of cavalry can be brought to a square of the foot-guards, firing blanks cartridge in Hyde Park, and the thing will speak for itself, putting out of question the concentrated and incessant shower of bullets by which that square has before now taught the finest cavalry of France a severe and bloody lesson.

This counter moral effect on the charging cavalry is the greater, the longer the infantry reserve their fire; since, the less the distance at which it is delivered, the more fatal will be its effects. A volley at long range is not destructive enough to check the cavalry's advance; while this effect has often been produced by the infantry merely withholding its fire till the cavalry has approached very near; and a volley delivered at the very last moment has, in by far the greater number of instances, effectually repulsed the charge. Infantry should, therefore, let cavalry approach to within forty paces, or nearer still, and then give them a general volley. At the battle of Neerwinden, in 1793, the Austrian cavalry was repulsed by the French infantry under Dumouriez, by a volley poured in at the very muzzles of the pieces. At Austerlitz, a Russian cavalry charge on French infantry in line was repulsed by a volley delivered so near, that it stretched four hundred troopers on the ground. The rest dispersed in disorder to the right and left.

The armor of cuirassiers is bullet-proof. To repel a charge of these troops, therefore, it will be necessary to aim at the horses. Their armor is so heavy, that the mere fall of the riders on the ground is usually sufficient to disable them, as was the case with the French cuirassiers at Waterloo.
Infantry in line, in two ranks even, may withstand cavalry, if in compact order, and attacked in front. But the slightest cavalry charge on the flank of a line will rout it. At Quatre Bras, a French infantry line, advancing, repulsed a charge of the Brunswicker Lancers under the Duke of Brunswick, by receiving it in steadiness and good order, and then pouring in a destructive fire. But, in the same battle, the Sixty-ninth British Regiment was instantly rolled up and destroyed by a charge of French cuirassiers on its flank.

Where infantry is well disciplined, and its commander is cool and prompt, it may sometimes avoid the effect of a cavalry charge by other means than its fire, or formation in square. At Talavera, a French infantry division, drawn up in close column, seeing an English cavalry regiment charging down upon them, avoided the shock by simply stepping aside, thus allowing the cavalry to pass by them. A portion of the charging troops wheeled round to follow them; but, by the cross-fire of another division, and the charge of other cavalry, which fell upon it in its confusion, it was completely annihilated.

A line of infantry charged by cavalry in flank, and so suddenly as to allow no time to form square, could hardly escape destruction. It would seem that the best course to be adopted in such a case would be to open the ranks by a rapid and simultaneous movement of both of them, thus compelling the charging cavalry to ride between them. If the front rank should then face about, this would bring the cavalry between two fires, which might be poured in, with most destructive effect. But where the cavalry charges with a very wide front, or in line, this maneuver might be difficult, or impossible.

Whenever an infantry line is charged by cavalry in front, and it is doubtful whether it will stand the shock, the wisest course would seem to be to make the men lie down, and let the charging cavalry leap over them. This the horses will instinctively do, with but little risk of injury to the men, provided they lie in a position parallel to the line of battle, thus presenting the least possible depth. It is said that the British infantry has sometimes done this, and risen up again immediately after the cavalry had passed. The cavalry could thus be promptly taken in rear.

In retreating, when threatened by cavalry, if there be a long plain in our rear, we must retire slowly. But if cover, or ground unfavorable to cavalry, be near, we must reach it as soon as possible.

Whether the square be formed in quick or double-quick time, it must be executed with the greatest order. This depends partly on the colonel - let him give his commands in time and without hurry - partly on the subaltern officers and men. The manoeuvre should, therefore, be practised very frequently. Every individual should know that want of strict order and coolness is certain destruction and disgrace.

If the men remain steady, the square cannot be broken; if they give way they are lost. In almost every case in war, there is much more danger when the men dodge, run, or in any way try save themselves, than when they look danger boldly into the face. A square where fear and disorder have taken root can never be rallied, can never retrieve its lost honor.

As to attacking cavalry: Infantry may advance in line and attack cavalry safely, provided its flanks are protected. Before a long line of infantry, cavalry must retreat, or be destroyed by its fire. In the Austrian service it is said to be a received maxim, that horses will not stand before the steady approach of a mass of infantry, with bayonets at the charge, but will always retire before the infantry closes on them.
- Brigadier Rossaroni

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Back to the Story Gents!




Now that we have this fantastic blog, can we get some articles on here?

Friday, January 11, 2008

A model Blog!


We need to copy this other blog about the supreme beings. Check out the link.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Fantasy Football Post-Season

Good day, gentle reader. You'll note that I've taken to calling myself Brigadier. This is because, when I'm not coaching fantasy football teams to fame and glory, I'm a full Brigadier in HRM's Royal Eppington Fusiliers, circa sometine in the mid-1800's. By jove.

Stand by for exiting, informative articles on:
- Suez Canal Policy
- The Ilbert Bill
- Irish Home Rule
- How to Shoot an Elephant
- When to form Square

Your servant,
Brigadier Rossaroni

Monday, January 7, 2008

Welcome!

Welcome to Barrister's Keepe, the interweb's formost site for information on and about the Truculent Daschund Fantasy Football League and bizarre storytelling. Coach Schlehtini and I will start by uploading all our old Fantasy Football articles from years past. Someday historians/archeologists will locate this first blog entry and wonder just who Coaches Schlehtini and Rossaroni are, and how the worldwide empire they founded could possibly have started with such a stupid post. Peace Out!

Andy