Writer's Challenge: The Great Unfinished COG Script

Your mission, gentle reader, is too help finish the masterpiece below. -BG

THE CONSORTIUM OF GENIUS
VS
BAD ACTING

BY
Andy Ross



SCENE 1

Close-up of PINKERTON reading from sheets of paper. Has reading glasses on.

PINKERTON: And if the Consortium of Genius is not given the sum of ONE BILLION DOLLARS by 4pm tomorrow, the entire city will be turned into a giant Mars Bar! Chocolate City INDEED!

PINKERTON Laughs maniacally. He pauses, sighs, and looks up.

PINKERTON: Is it really necessary for me to laugh maniacally here? I'm just not feeling it. And asking for one billion dollars? Isn't that a bit hackneyed? A little bit too Austin Powers?

Cut to DIRECTOR sitting in director chair, wearing a beret and holding a megaphone.

DIRECTOR: Look, Pinky, darling, please let me handle this. I know what will sell with the audience. Your constant interruptions are not helping the creative process. You know, I never had problems like this with Mr. Alan Thicke.

PINKERTON: You directed Growing Pains?

DIRECTOR: No, no, no. It was another ransom video. Thicke is into super-villiany now. Look, Pinky darling, you might be good at inventing death rays, time machines, and mechanical drummers, but I am good at making high quality video entertainment and documentaries.

PINKERTON: I know a thing or two about entertainment, my good man.

DIRECTOR: Do you?

PINKERTON: I am in a band, you know. Anyway, a few years ago, the Consortium did a little "wet work" for a certain NBC executive. Nothing much really. Now, mind you, the end of the Cold War was just an unintended consequence, but you really can't blame us for that.

DIRECTOR: Cold War?

PINKERTON: Harry, who ended the Cold War?

DR. RACHNID is sitting at a table with writing paper strewn about it. He is trying to write some songs for the band and is deep in concentration. He is holding his bass. He is humming and strumming his instrument.

DR. RACHNID: DR. Z did.

DR. Z is sitting across from DR. RACHNID reading a magazine

DR. Z: Not my fault.

DR. RACHNID: Dr. Z, what rhymes with Necronomicon?

DR. Z: What's the context?

DR. RACHNID: I'm writing a love song.

Cut back to PINKERTON

PINKERTON: Anywho, in gratitude, Mr. Tartekoff let COG do a pilot. For the life of me I can't figure out why it wasn't picked up, but check out my awesome performance for yourself.

PINKERTON gets a dvd and puts it in a convenient dvd player. Cut to video in which we see an apartment door open up showing PINKERTON holding a pizza box.

PINKERTON (very poorly acted): Did you order a pizza?

FEMALE VOICE (off camera - sultry): I certainly did.

PINKERTON removes lab coat and is nude (shown from waist up - thank God). An arm extends out from the camera's POV and pulls PINKERTON out of shot as we hear really cheesy 70's porn music. Shot cuts to static. Cut back to lab.

PINKERTON (embarrassed): Oops, wrong disk. Uh, I was in grad school at the time...

PINKERTON rifles through a drawer

PINKERTON: Ah, here it is.

(my intent at this point is to show a video clip of their "Pilot" which will give them an opportunity to play a song. I'm thinking a Letterman/Leno type of show)