We're Back!

What ho, loyal reader(s)!
I've just now escaped the vile clutches of Count Ignatieff and have made my way back to civilization. What did I miss? Anything going on? India still ours? The Suez canal still safe?

My comrades in arms should be around here somewhere, I'll send a servant to go roust them straight away.

Rossaroni

End of Truculent Daschunds league

By now you have seen that Michael Vick signed with the Philadelphia Eagles. The Truculent Daschunds have a problem with that. The football league is disbanded until this monster is out of the league.

The Third Vogon

Editor's Note: Lord Turnips and Lady Turnips returned from their complete disaster of an attempt to turn the outworld planet of Zarkson into a bucolic agri-colony with a touch of classic style and refinement. Upon their return from the utterly and outrageously disasterous colonization trip with but one of their safari ships still barely intact and their personal fortunes put to extreme distress they discovered a note from Lord Woodpecker indicating that he would soon be sharing a story about a vac suite repairman.

Worse still was that when they arrived at their homes in Herndonia they discovered that there was a sort of ruling coalition running the place. Apparently, during the two months since they had last posted an article a great many changes had occured on their home world.

As they opened their doors to the Turnips family estate they were greeted by a group of military policemen who appeared to be turning over the home. A very dashing British major began asking sharp questions about the current whereabouts of Lord Woodpecker and Admiral Rossaroni.

Is it wrong of me to want this?

Schweinehund Gary Bettman

Ik kan niet de Rode Vleugels geloven die aan de stomme Pinguïnen van Pittsburgh van de varkenshond worden verloren. Stomme NHL schijnt samengezworen te hebben om dit resultaat door een reeks gunstige vraag en niet-vraag te bewerkstelligen.

COMING SOON TO A BARRISTERS KEEPE!!!!

A GOOD VAC-SUIT REPAIRMAN IS HARD TO FIND

A Bad Man is Hard to Find

Lord Turnips was just baffled.

He had no idea where to look for the sort of underworld characters he would need to subdue a planet. His purposes were not nefarious. He only wanted to beautify a planet. He would offer the citizens enough credits to relocate. He was enough of a business man however to know that one never starts a negotiation from a position of weakness. So, having some muscle along would be critical. Also, he knew that his caravan would present a tempting morsel for pirates or other hostile elements.

He thought of calling Admiral Rossoroni but he knew that he had, in semi-retirement, taken a financial analysis job with the Ares Corporation. Even if he couldn't help because of the annual Imperial budget cycle, He'd be the sort who'd know a couple of trustworthy brigands. As it turned out he did know such a character: Juan Seis Armas.