Monday Zingers

Turnips here. I was trying out the magicked portal which I picked up during a tour of the harsh desert nomads of Araby. It turns out this time portal allows one to travel to the future where there isn't really much going on. Anyway, I found a bunch of jokes that related to a mid 20th Century American colonial militia known as the Air Force. These don't really make any sense to Old Turnips but since I'm just an Avatar for my real author who was in this militia at one point they seemed to amuse him. I suppose it is curious that when i went through the portal I had a hard time finding a good game of whist. I suppose it was just named something else in that propinquity.

Some of the so-called humor:

• Get what you can, log what you need



• Honor thy airspeed at all times, lest the ground rise up and smite thee



• You know, a BUFF has the power of twelve railroad locomotives, thirty miles of wiring, and enough sheet metal to make fifty thousand trash cans; and that's how it flies: like twelve locomotives dragging fifty thousand trash cans with thirty miles of wire

Conventional Wisdom

• Do as I say, not as I do


• Measure with a micrometer; cut with an ax


• It must be right, its in the book


• If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed fixing anyway


• The earliest Christian gets eaten by the hungriest lion


• Live every day like it will be your last - eventually you'll be right


• When everyone is kicking you in the tail, at least you know you're out in front


• If half the people think you go too far, and the other half think you don't go far enough, you must be doing something right