Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Nemo & Associates Graphic Design Company


I came across this gem on the interweb (Nemo name added to keep current with the blog's present world view)


Nemo & Associates Mission Statement

Our talented team specializes in reinforcing brand identity, marketing, and promotion across all media including web, print, and video. The Nemo & Associates Designs team would be happy to design or re-design high impact business cards, logos, brochures, T-shirts, websites, DVD/CD packages, television commercials,... Just about any visual marketing material for you and your employees.

Keeping it simple and providing all the tools it takes to build your corporate identity and market your services. Nemo & Associates Designs offers a wide range of creative yet affordable solutions to individuals and businesses.

As designers and artists we strive to ensure that your visual materials accurately portray the impression that you set out to create. The dance of art and design is a subtle and subconscious language that transcends all spoken messages. If a picture is truly worth a thousand words, we produce tomes of information conveyed at a glance. Don't know why you like what you like, you just do? We know why, and why your customers do too.

You are ready to improve the look of your promotional materials and design new ones. You want your clients say to themselves, "Hey, I know you!"

First and foremost, you need your customers to find you. Without them walking through your front door, there is no need for you to be in business. Most people are as dumb as rocks when it comes to knowing what they like. “I don’t know why I like it. I just do.” They stumble about their daily lives, believing they are in complete control, when in fact they are waiting to be told what to do. With our promotional material backing your products, you stand with megaphone in hand; ready to direct these lemmings to buy your product or they will somehow be less human with out it.

Understanding that American society contains the densest population of the laziest people in one place, besides that God forsaken waste of terra firma known as Hawaii, is the first step to locating your clients/consumers and understanding their spending habits. Pandering to their every double standard is why we are so successful at this game.

Nemo & Associates Designs’ semi intuitive approach to understanding this emblazoned ideal is our armor and your cunning as an apex predator whilst swimming in a sea of leaches and sharks.

Keep them wanting more. Never justify, simply smokescreen and camouflage while moving in for the next kill. That’s how the big boys do it. Why not you?

Yes, there is a way to move like this, even in a shaky market like today. We will hold your hand through this entire process, as we gently open your wallet. You need to spend money to make money. You need to spend obscene amounts of money to rule the world… unless we’re on your side. We’ll knock 15%off!!

Our policy of “take no prisoners” and “kickin’ ass and takin’ names” is why we are your pit bull in a world of Jehovah’s Witnesses. (Joe’s Witches as we affectionately call them).

Under no circumstance will we give up on your complete lack of understanding of anything pertinent to the subject of art and design. We know what is hot and that is all that you need to know.

We're Nemo & Associates Designs and we're here for YOU

3 comments:

  1. Brigadier,

    You're back and with an unholy Madison avenue vengeance!

    Nemo and Associates is our key to dominating the epsilon minus semi proles by pandering to their every double standard!

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    v/r
    W-S

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love how it eases into it's comedy from a normal beginning.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Written by another fine graduate of the Jack Handey School of Marketing (that's Ivy League, bitches!).

    What's next? A trademark on the creamcicle orange color?

    ReplyDelete