Sunday, January 20, 2008

Poetry Corner

ODE TO VICTORIAN PLUMBING (HUZZAH!)

Oh vex’d valve

Oh vex’d limb

That causeth thy waters to swirl

Ere I were to ancient times transported

To face my Scylla and Charibdis

But, lo

Stay my hand

For thy chrom’d appendage doth not respond to mine entreat

Forsooth, call out to the gods above in Olympus

And their Grecian Urns

A curse upon the vendor for my Hellespont lacks such tempest!

Bring forth the Sloan Urinal Valve repair-man!

And his green instructional booklet

For only he may set matters right

No matter how many curious washers

Stand in his path

He shall not be dissuaded from his task

To cleanse the 7th floor men’s restroom

Of odors foul and repugnant

Oh bless’d day when you arrived

On feet as fleet as Hermes’

Like unto the Assyrians as wolf to sheep

You fell upon your duty

And vanquished said Sloan Valve

With might and rectitude

-Lord Byron XVIth, 2001

3 comments:

  1. This poem, which many scholars had thought "lost to the ages" was recently re-discovered in the archives of the Deutsches Museum by a young researcher. This was obviously a plot by the Kaiser to keep this brilliant work from inspiring another generation British poets.

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  2. I recognize it from FFL of years past. Was this a Schehtini creation? It has all the classic signs.

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