ODE TO VICTORIAN PLUMBING (HUZZAH!)
Oh vex’d valve
Oh vex’d limb
That causeth thy waters to swirl
Ere I were to ancient times transported
To face my Scylla and Charibdis
But, lo
Stay my hand
For thy chrom’d appendage doth not respond to mine entreat
Forsooth, call out to the gods above in
And their Grecian Urns
A curse upon the vendor for my
Bring forth the Sloan Urinal Valve repair-man!
And his green instructional booklet
For only he may set matters right
No matter how many curious washers
Stand in his path
He shall not be dissuaded from his task
To cleanse the 7th floor men’s restroom
Of odors foul and repugnant
Oh bless’d day when you arrived
On feet as fleet as Hermes’
Like unto the Assyrians as wolf to sheep
You fell upon your duty
And vanquished said Sloan Valve
With might and rectitude
-Lord Byron XVIth, 2001
Brilliant! I missed that poem.
ReplyDeleteThis poem, which many scholars had thought "lost to the ages" was recently re-discovered in the archives of the Deutsches Museum by a young researcher. This was obviously a plot by the Kaiser to keep this brilliant work from inspiring another generation British poets.
ReplyDeleteI recognize it from FFL of years past. Was this a Schehtini creation? It has all the classic signs.
ReplyDelete