You are cordially invited, this Saturday morn, to attend a day of socializing and sportsmanship as guest of Brigadier A. J. Rossaroni KCMG, of HRM's Royal Eppington Fusiliers, at the estate of his cousin, the Duke of Portland. As honored guest will be Prince Otto of Bavaria.
The Brigadier will be acting as Master of Hounds, and the Blessing of the Hounds will begin promptly at 8 a.m. A 3 pounds sterling cap will be required from all guests.
A note to all participants regarding behavior in and around the main house. The Duke is a solitary man and does not like to be engaged in conversation. If you see him anywhere on the estate grounds, you are instructed to ignore him as if he were not there. And make no eye contact either. Under NO circumstances are you to enter any of his vast underground tunnels and buildings, such as his 174 x 64 foot subterranean ballroom, his 250 foot long underground libray, or the 15 miles of tunnels that criss-cross the estate.
A note to participants is also in order for certain aspects of Prince Otto's behavior. At times he will bark like a dog or complain of painful boils on his feet. Please refrain from drawing too much attention to any such comments. Also, as he hasn't taken his boots off in 8 weeks, he will tend to be a bit maloderous. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause but, remember, he IS royalty and, therefore, our better. He also has a particular dislike of peasants, and claims that shooting "one a day" helps him maintain his health. Not that this needs saying, but please do not dress in any way like a peasant while the Prince is present and armed.
All things considered, it should be a marvelous day out in the glorious English countryside. See you all there!
BG Rossaroni KCMG
Dear Brigadier,
ReplyDeleteAs you know Prince Otto and I have teensy bit of a blood feud dating to the time he bludgeoned my poor sister to death with his picklehaub.
Could you arrange a duel and act as my second?
Also, I am feeling a bit sick this week so I may need to skip the weekend. Think you can manage without me? There is a good fellow.
Yours, Turnips.
Good Lord man! He's royalty, we can't go about slaughtering royals willy nilly, can we? It would create an international incident to say the least. And forget about promotion, I'd never be abvle to show my face at the Horse Guards again!
ReplyDeleteMy cousin, the Duke of Portland, corresponds with Otto's brother, King Ludwig. I could write my cousin and ask him ask the King to address your grievance, if such would be your desire.
Sorry to hear of your illness. A good blood letting is what you need. Really cleans out the system. I have just returned from a blood letting, on my way back from my tailor. I'm pleased to say that my regimine of blood letting has resulted in my waistline getting down to a 35. I'll be in fighting trim in no time. Those wogs better watch out, Rossaroni is after them!
Brigadier,
ReplyDeleteWell I say bygones should be bygones except she was a sister I rather liked.
Square truth, I'm not actually sick at all. How could I be? These rather fantastic crops of mine are keeping me full of vim and vigor. And very regular in the bargain. Lady Turnip is very happy with the results as well.
I know you like these German cousins or yours. They make fantastic toy soldiers with their clicking heels and strutting about. Very amusing to torment them with our dry English wit too. Just remember that its better a Tommy, Mick, or a Mac than a Hans, Klaus, or a Adolph when it comes time to really defend our dear island from the frogs.