Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Point-Counterpoint


This is an actual e-mail conversation that happened on 21 April, 2009.

Woody: " Turnips, Admiral, I've posted another story gents."

Admiral: "Yea! All hail Woody! Death to all wyverns!"

Turnips: "I'm thinking of writing the article that blames Wyverns on the India/Pakistan split which led to millions of displaced and killed in 1947. "

A: "What are your sources? Will your article be heavily footnoted?"

T: "Yes, here is an example: Wyverns decided to split British India into a Hindu nation centered in between two primarily Muslim areas of to be known by the name given to it by Jinha and Muslim members of the Indian National Congress: Pakistan.*

* Yo Momma"

A: "It's hard to argue with you on that point. I always thought it was Basilisks that split the two countries, but perhaps I am thinking of North and South Korea."

T: "Hmm...very drakeo-determinist of you to assume that it wasn't caused by Wyvern's."

A: "You know, not all of the world's problems are caused by wyverns."

T: "See! Right there you continue your crypto-wyvernism by providing covert support for the possibility that mystical monsters other than Wyverns were the cause of great calamities of the 20th century. In so doing you undermine legitimate efforts to combat Wyverns."

A: "The whole world's black and white for you, isn't it? Your whole "you're either with me (against wyverns) or against me" attitude is very shortsighted.

Little known facts about the Basilisk:
1. Could split boulders with a single glance from their deadly eyes
2. Noxious breath would wither trees and bushes
3. Streams and rivers they drank from would be permanently poisoned
4. Odour of its sweat was foul and toxic
5. Land they passed through would become barren wasteland 6. These would counter the basilisk's lethal powers:
- The weasel [somehow immune to its death-dealing gaze]
- The rooster [the basilisk would flee at the rooster's crowing]
- The Rue plant [could withstand the basilisk's breath and was used by weasels to heal themselves if they were attacked by the basilisk]
7. All US Presidents since Harry Truman have been Basilisks
8. Would be destroyed by seeing its own reflection in a mirror"

T: "Jimmy Carter was only half Basilisk."

A: "Basiliskism is inherited through the mother, so technically, Jimmy Carter is full Basilisk"

3 comments:

  1. Amazing how this again brings tears to my eyes.

    Why we were overlooked during this years Pulitzers I'll never know.

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  2. The fact that you posted this first thing in the morning has me very concerned about your coffee consumption. I can't even say Basilililisillisk and you've turned it into a "yo mama" joke. What is in said coffee - methadone? I suppose that also explains the crazy mileage on your bike. Just say no, sir Admiral, sir.

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