Lord Turnips awoke with a start. He was standing in a very sticky pool of a red fluid. Sticky but slippery. He looked down. In his right hand was a bastard sword which gleemed brightly indicating some form of incantation, although he wouldn't know that. In his left was a shield which also gleemed unaturally. He was wearing a set of plate armor that was unusually light and comfortable. Upon his head was a mail cap also of unusual light weight and comfort.
This was not his usual sartorial fare. Normally he adorned himself in loose hanging comfort typical of his station as a middle aged, minister of government and supremely rich proponent of agriculture and the arts.
As he looked around he saw the severed limbs, heads, and torsos of dozens of orcs. Slightly further away he saw the snakey vertibrae of an Ogre that had been used as a flail to dispatch several dozen skeletons. [ed. SEE] A little beyond that he saw a crater which contained naught but a black wizards hat and staff and possibly a few body parts strewn across the crater indicating that someone who had been dressed like a wizard had been blown to smithereens (although Turnips did not know what a smithereen was.)
At that moment he remembered that he needed to phone Debbie V. on the pretext of helping her with her homework and that she kept promising to come over to play a thief character named Salina. Maybe he could get her to come over to check out his dice collection?
I think I like where this could go ... alot
ReplyDeleteAs do I. It moves the narrative quite nicely. Except for the homeowrk bit.
ReplyDeleteI can see in my mind the mighty Turnips, breathing heavily, clutching his weapons and looking at the destruction he has wrought, a la Conan or Dr. Manhattan
How does one "kill" skeletons? I will amend my draft to say "dispatch"
ReplyDeleteDispatch is always appropriate. There's also 'render unto dust beneath my boots' or 'clobber' or 'crush'
ReplyDeleteSo there is a historical Debbie V. with whom your humble narrator had a rather pathetic un-fulfilled crush. Strange that she looked naught like the prototype Salina. Of course half-elven ears are not common to the mixed ethnic auto-making communities of South East Michigan.
ReplyDeleteSee, this is perfect - that's what adds the zing to the stories - maybe Debbie V will read this too!
ReplyDeleteAlso we can get back at all our nemeses virtually!
Just wait, third grade bully!
I have an entire riff prepared based on RoboCop 3 but I couldn't finish watching the movie...double drat this 21st century attentions span.
ReplyDeleteYou don't need to finish watching the movie to riff - in fact Fedor could be Robocop -
ReplyDelete