The Inept Wizard of The Rusty Palm

After receiving the gift of the Magic Dingus of Seven Parts from the glistening misty figure: Raven Odinsdottir, Hannon/Lord Turnips considered his plight. He looked into the blood-strewn crater and saw a scrap of a parchment. He picked it up and read it. It was an editorial from the Elders of the Fort of the River Straights, an important center of artisanry in the Kingdom located in the South East Corner of the Peninsula of the Rusty Palm (aka Michigan).

(Carl the Inept)

Carl the Inept --a wizard who has sat upon the Council of the Important in an impressive marble building for 30 years (1979-2009) in league with fellow important wizards. This wizard sat upon as chairman of the all powerful Armed Services Committee of the council of the Important for most of these years. During this time his home province, the Peninsula of the Rusty Palm has received naught in federal military spending and indeed even drew down several important bases. Carl the Inept now stands up to defend the Peninsula of the Rusty Palm during its most critical hour. He mounts no rebuke at all to the Bane of the Peninsula's citizenry, Lord Shelby the Jackass, of the Province of Crimson Tides who has secured innumerable federal dollars for the seer-sucker and straw-boater garbed denizens of his province, and provided lucrative incentives for lucky foreign artisans who have protected home markets to come produce at lower cost in his province so as to undercut the people of the Peninsula of the Rusty Palm. So now when Lord Shelby the Jackass argues that the artisans and industry of the Peninsula of the Rusty Palm are to be cut off from survival funding due to the failures of the Merchants of the Skyscraper Island to keep the banking system of the land afloat, it appears he has an agenda: to destroy the artisans of the Peninsula and all the people of that state so that there is greater power for the Province of the Crimson Tides and its sister provinces.

(Lord Shelby the Jackass)


Well, thanks a bunch Carl the Inept and thanks a bunch Lord Shelby the Jackass, from the people of the Peninsula of the Rusty Palm and our sister states of the lands of the Snowy North. We'll keep you in mind when the next hurricane comes to your land. Perhaps you should have seen that coming? Wishing a plague of ghoul frogs to devour your homes and for a Basilisk to kiss your mothers. Eds.

So back to our story.....

After reading the editorial parchment, Perhaps it was a memory from his own youth when last his home peninsula was under the same level of duress, Lord Turnips/Hannon remembered a little better that he wasn't supposed to call Debbie V. In fact she was the sister of John V and she was often tantalizingly present to enjoy the banter of meetings of the Good Party co-led by John Wisshard and Hannon Troll-Slayer. Although John V served in a Chief Financial Officer role and had substantial perks and benefits of the other members of the C-suite, he had no veto power over party adventuring activities.

Lord Turnips/Hannon recalled also that whilst the Good Party enjoyed many outstanding adventures and had blasted to smithereens, rendered unto dust, dispatched with make-do monster vertebrae flails, and generally smoten . . . many a foe, they had done so under the banner of lawful goodishness. So it was with some confusion he asked Admiral Rossoroni the appropriate casus belli that led them to sack the Temple of the Daughters of Odin and Count Grimani’s Castle?