The Aquafina’s crew occupied themselves with dinner in the commodious, oak-paneled wardroom. Mushballs, the cook, had prepared wiener schnitzel & spatzle with a morel sauce, one of Commodore Thornton-Pickle’s favorites.
The now haggard Pickle needed this yummy meal to forget the falderal locating Sixguns & Lady M in 1986. He’d find Nemo and head to the South China Sea – that would make things better. Maybe he’d even run into Woodpecker-Smythe. That chap was absolutely hilarious.
But, out of nowhere, one of Pickles typically impudent crew, Rodrigo launched into another of his patented, completely irrelevant anecdotes. As usual he sought affirmation from his captain and crew mates regarding his various socio-political-economic viewpoints.
“Did you hear the Lord Mayor of London is planning on building an observation skyway on the London Bridge?” he stated confidently, mouth still full of food.
Unfortunately Rodrigo followed this observation up with “Oh yes, and it will be dreadfully tacky – he’s just trying to bring in more tourist dollars.”
His tablemates tried to ignore him but he went on at a painfully loud volume.
“And, I think sailors shouldn’t have to pay income tax and did I mention that I just went to the Royal Navy Surgeon General to seek another 25% disability for my peg-leg?”
Another crusty crewman replied – fed up by the prattle. “Rodrigo, most of us sailors 'as already gots a peg-leg or ‘ook arm or somefin like ‘at already and we ain’t getting’ no dis-bilty, no sir.”
Rodrigo attempted to reply but Commodore Thornton-Pickle raised his hand, palm forward.
“Rodrigo” said Pickle patiently.
“Yes sir” Rodrigo replied, dutifully but an uncomfortably high volume for the circumstances.
Pickle continued, eyes narrowed and head nodding up and down ever so slightly in that superior sort of manner, “Are you wearing black shoes with a brown belt?”
Rodrigo looked down, “Uh yes.”
“Imbecile” Pickle muttered under his breath.
But, out of nowhere, one of Pickles typically impudent crew, Rodrigo launched into another of his patented, completely irrelevant anecdotes. As usual he sought affirmation from his captain and crew mates regarding his various socio-political-economic viewpoints.
“Did you hear the Lord Mayor of London is planning on building an observation skyway on the London Bridge?” he stated confidently, mouth still full of food.
Unfortunately Rodrigo followed this observation up with “Oh yes, and it will be dreadfully tacky – he’s just trying to bring in more tourist dollars.”
His tablemates tried to ignore him but he went on at a painfully loud volume.
“And, I think sailors shouldn’t have to pay income tax and did I mention that I just went to the Royal Navy Surgeon General to seek another 25% disability for my peg-leg?”
Another crusty crewman replied – fed up by the prattle. “Rodrigo, most of us sailors 'as already gots a peg-leg or ‘ook arm or somefin like ‘at already and we ain’t getting’ no dis-bilty, no sir.”
Rodrigo attempted to reply but Commodore Thornton-Pickle raised his hand, palm forward.
“Rodrigo” said Pickle patiently.
“Yes sir” Rodrigo replied, dutifully but an uncomfortably high volume for the circumstances.
Pickle continued, eyes narrowed and head nodding up and down ever so slightly in that superior sort of manner, “Are you wearing black shoes with a brown belt?”
Rodrigo looked down, “Uh yes.”
“Imbecile” Pickle muttered under his breath.
Needlessly descriptive food references, fashion humor, and a picture of Claude Rains. Well done, sir.
ReplyDeleteLovely. Love the reference to Royal Navy disability benefits.
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you gentlemen.
ReplyDeleteI do believe Fluffernutter Sandwiches are in the offing!