Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Nottinger's Noteworthy Notables of Note and Guide to Peers of the Empire. 8th ed.

Lady Lyme-Weoghe
The Early Years ~ Lady Lyme-Weoghe is the only daughter of celebrated acrostic poet and crony of Midlands industrialists, Barlowe Coghill Cholmondley (Lord Lyme-Weoghe) and his wife Margaret "Pippa" Puncknowles, a prominent Suffragist and Lady-Adven
turer.
Early education under her parents' tutelage included the Agrippan method, horse handicapping and modern letters. After a brief stint at Miss Primrose Perchance's Academy For Promising Young Ladies, Lyme-Weoghe read Advanced Needlework, Home Economics and Numerical Analysis at Cambridge where she took top honors in examination, but was, of course, denied a degree because of her gender. It was at Cambridge that she became acquainted, but did not get along with fellow Barrister’s Keepe members Thornton-Pickle, the Brigadier, Lord Turnips and Lord Woodpecker-Smythe along with Lady Marzipan, due mainly to their support of, and indulgence in street music, particularly that of organ grinders and tub thumpers, which she despised. She assumed the title of Lady Lyme-Weoghe after the deaths of both her parents in an encounter with a brood wyvern on the peak of Snaefellsjokull where her mother sought the legendary entrance to the interior kingdoms of the earth.

Later years ~ After leaving Cambridge, encouraged by tub thumping school chum Lady Marzipan, the socially sought-after Lyme-Woeghe acquired financing from abroad to develop a Ratiocinative Engine, purported to make possible the calculations necessary to create a time travel device. Many believe she was successful but there is no proof that such an engine exists.

Accusations of theft were bandied, rumors flew, and friendships ended but after the smoke cleared, it was Lyme-Woeghe who was left in disgrace, with no place to lodge during Boat Race Week. It was during this bleak period that she became reacquainted with Lord Woodpecker-Smythe whom she had known at Cambridge. The occasion was the staging of his play Lawks! Is 'E 'Avin' a Laugh? at the Cock Pit Yard Theatre in Liverpool. As it appeared that he had given up his obsession with street music she consented to his attentions and the two became close friends, often seen together in attendance at readings held by the Royal Society For The Continuation and Dissemination of Acrostic Poetry , of which Lyme-Weoghe is a patron. Despite the public humiliation over the Ratiocination Engine (or lack of, rather) Lyme-Weoghe was honored with an invitation to join the British Association's Society of Probability and Totalization Theorists. An amateur artist, she has also gained some recognition as illustrator of a charming series of books for young gentlemen called The Snotty-nosed Little Urchin and His Cousins, the Guttersnipes, Get Their Comeuppances featuring dirty, but lovable ragamuffins Erven, Slouch, and Grimey as they go about experiencing heartwarming adventure and comeuppance throughout the empire.

2 comments:

  1. I must say...breathtaking.

    We are so wonderfully creative the NEA should give us a grant.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yea! Another article by Lady LW!!!

    "Is 'E 'Avin' a Laugh?"

    very witty

    ReplyDelete