Sticks and Stones

(imagine this is a very attractive Chinese woman in a tight sweater, mini-skirt and go-go boots)

After Captain Stuart Turnips and Scaramanga enjoyed their corndogs and their discussion on metaphysics they decided to go back into Mr. Woo’s shop and see if they could get a good deal on the Headstone of the Staff of Ra. As it turned out they were in luck. Apparently, Mr. Woo and his sour attitude toward the English were on lunch break and a young Asian woman was working the counter. Scaramanga let out a low whistle when he saw the tight sweater, mini skirt and go-go boots worn by this comely lass.

He decided to turn on the charm to see if he could get a deal on the Headstone.
[Scaramanga] "‘ello luv".
[Comely lass] "Hello, welcome to Woo Store".
[Scaramanga] "'a treachie ‘ow much does this cost". (points to the headstone)
[Comely lass] "Um, not so sure…let me check in book." (looks down into a 3 ring binder) "I think that is 75 Pounds. "
[Scaramanga] "Would ya take Niffty Quid for that"? (holds up a fifty- Pound note)
[Comely lass] "Ok, ok, sure, sure".

Scaramanga and Captain Stuart looked at each other unbelieving their luck to get such a deal on the headstone. They purchase the headstone and decided to head out of Kowloon Walled City back to Scaramanga’s Island to regroup, figure out what to do with the headstone, perhaps formulate a plan for rescuing Captain Stuart’s crew, and see if any of Scaramanga’s entourage had survived.

As they pulled Scaramanga’s ultra-modern yacht cleverly disguised as a Chinese Junk into the lagoon where he maintained his moorings, they noticed a pall of smoke rising from his compound. Scattered around the grounds of his estate were the dead bodies of Scaramanga’s surviving “Army of Martial Artists”. Men who had thought so much of themselves for their victory at the Lucky Dragon now lay dead. Scaramanga inspected the carnage. It was evident that Chop-xin, Lin Ye Tan, Fang Chi, Timothy and about a dozen unidentified members of Scaramanga's entourage did not expect that General Tang’s men would be waiting for them here on Scaramanga’s Island. They appeared to be mowed down as they emerged from the dockside. Scaramanga shook his head.

[Scaramanga] "I just can’t believe it. Chop-xin, Lin Ye Tan, Fang Chi, Timothy and about a dozen others. Tang you Bastard!" (at this Scaramanga clutched his fist)
[Captain Stuart] "It looks like General Tang was waiting for them. If he’s done this what could he have done with my crew"?
[Unidentified Voice] "You’ll have plenty of time to find out for yourself Young Captain Stuart."

With that Scaramanga and Captain Stuart looked up to see the glowering fu-manchu- mustached face of a Red Chinese General. The General was accompanied by at least a company of stern faced soldiers, armed with bayonets, rifles and submachine guns.

[Scaramanga] "General Tang you swine"!

With that General Tang motioned to his men to seize Captain Stuart and Scaramanga. As burlap bags were placed atop their heads they saw General Tang walk over to the dead body of one of Scaramanga’s entourage and collect the “mis-borrowed” first edition copy of Balzac’s Human Comedy that had caused the feud.

[General Tang] "Sticks and stones may break my bones . . . Sticks and stones."

With that he began laughing, and following his lead, his lackeys began roaring with diabolical laughter.