Shot Through the Heart and You're to Blame: You Give Love a Bad Name (Bad Name)

That evening, following the somewhat less-than- successful sacking of the Temple of the Daughters of Odin, the party gathered around the steam harpsichord in the Planetary Sovereign’s ample lounge. The Admiral was holding forth beneath the swaying, candle filled crystal candelabra on the topic of the mysterious and charming Salina. In support, Mr. Mudskipper, the ship’s graphic artist had designed several charts depicting Salina in various slinky guises for the purposes of visual recognition. The entire party paid absolutely rapt attention of the sort normally reserved for a Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.

“Gentlemen, and I use the term loosely, prior to charting a course through mer-man territory we’ll be paying a brief visit to the port city of Kristal Stadt, located here” and the Admiral gestured at a crudely drawn map with an X identifying the port’s general location somewhere to the southwest.

“Oh please” cried an exasperated Lady Lyme Weoghe, “That is absolutely the worst map ever! Schott could have done a better job – just how do you expect us to navigate with that? I mean, this is the bonehead that convinced us that there were just a 'couple' of skeletons and orcs at that so-called 'temple' and that 'fire elementals' were actually just a type of matchstick.”

But she was unable to finish as the hubbub rose.

Woody raised an eager hand.

“Yes Woody, what’s on your mind?”

“Why are we going to Kristal Stadt? Are we running low on Courvoisier?”

“Not Courvoisier exactly, but we are running low on the stuff that puts the ‘booty’ in ‘freebooter’ and by that I mean, gold, gems and the like – someone else’s of course.”

The Admiral continued, “Plus, I want to stop at my favorite restaurant, ‘Le Glace Lune’ to grab a quick bite.”

Rushing turned to Ali Baba el Mendab Penna the Younger and said quite excitedly “I hear you can get the best grilled cheese sandwich in the entire doggone Theocracy of Pale there.”

Ali Baba el Mendab Penna the Younger began to reply but before he could finish Zimbar stepped between the two and placed his grimy halfling hands on the lads’ shoulders “Why yes indeed that is true, and I shall take the opportunity to renew my partnership with our dear friend Kaotic E, thirteenth level fighter/thief. I believe he’s currently their executive chef – I understand he’s been looking to moonlight though.”

Turnips broke in. “Now wait just a second because (dramatic pause), A: who is Kaotic E and B: what about Salina?”

He was starting to feel there was no sign of the morning coming; that he’d been left out alone, like a rainbow in the dark.

Luckily the wise Admiral had a plan. “Ahh, Salina. You see Turnips old boy, she’s made a financially advantageous engagement to that aging lothario Count Grimani. No need to fret then, we will execute a financially advantageous sacking of Count Grimani’s Castle; rescue Salina and buy some spare parts for the Fedor.”

“Sorry” Turnips replied, “When there’s lightning, you know it always brings me down.”