Drat That Scaramanga!

Chapter 3: A Stunning Trap!

As his cabin rocked gently beneath him, Captain Stuart Turnips watched as "Scruffy" one of the many lovable-friendly-but indeed verminous and disease carrying-rats onboard the Blue Side of American moved closer to the cheese placed in the spring trap by his First Mate Sean Simon. One more step and the iron spring would slam shut and catch the brute. Captain Stuart Turnips wondered if a similar fate awaited him. "Am I the cheese?" He thought. He thought again "wait, that makes no sense at all. I'd be the rat and Scaramanga would be the cheese, wouldn't he be? Then who is the trap in this metaphor? He shook his head Wile E. Coyote fashion and decided to think of something else.

(These nasty beasts were not harmed in the making of this article)

As the ship rocked along as they made their way across the Indian Ocean, Captain Turnips recalled how Blue Side of American departed Walvis Bay a week later than he had planned. That extra week might make all the difference if the Monsoons hit early as they entered the South China Sea. He also took on fewer provisions than he wanted as the shipment of Chiclets and double bubble were not nearly as fresh or as plentiful as anyone would have liked. He could not take all the gum and leave the children of Walvis Bay with none. He reckoned that the extra space did give his men some additional space to practice their newfangled ka-rate moves that they were learning from a book on martial arts they borrowed from the Shelby Michigan Municipal Library. These new moves would definitely come in handy against Scaramanga's army of martial artists.

Three days out of a brief stop in Durban, South Africa, His crew cheered their re-crossing of the Equator and his "trusty shellbacks" were given a double ration of Double Bubble and chilled Kool Aide juice bags to celebrate. They knew that they were close to the end of their outbound journey.

After a week of unusually favorable winds they moved gracefully through the Java Sea and into the South China Sea. They knew that whatever horrors awaited them on Tunga Island they would at least have dry land under their feet.

Captain Stuart Turnips called his crew together for a brief pre-dawn prayer as Blue Side of American drew the last few hours away from Tunga Island. Stuart recalled the memorable words of Lord Nelson and his battle prayer before Trafalgar:

(Respect)

May the great God, whom I worship, grant to my country and for the benefit of
Europe in general, a great and glorious victory: and may no misconduct, in
any
one, tarnish it: and may humanity after victory be the predominant
feature in
the British fleet.
For myself individually, I commit my life
to Him who made
me and may His blessing light upon my endeavours for serving
my country
faithfully.
To Him I resign myself and the just cause which
is entrusted to
me to defend.
Amen. Amen. Amen.

(Tunga Island is somewhere in that red circle...can you see it?)

Just as he finished the prayer his lookout Condalezza noticed that the winds had picked up and that a large frigate-like shape had moved in between the ship and Tunga Island. Just as she shouted the warning they saw the orange burst of a salvo broadside from the mysterious ship . . . Captain Stuart had time for one thought before he drifted off into a daze of fire, shells, noise and splintering wood. .
. . maybe he was the rat after all.