Rest in Pieces

As the Planetary Sovereign plowed through the waters of the Drawmidj Ocean enroute to Lord Toranaga’s Keepe, Lord Turnips (or was it his alter ego Hannon) held court with the lower-ranking, more expendable members of the party, Rushing, Fedor, Penna the Younger and another un-related Schott.

“Ah, yes, there I was, the mountain dwarf Obmi had been enslaved by the fire giant king Snurre Ironbelly of the Hellfurnaces and it was only through my cunning and my steel that he was freed!”

Here, however, Turnips brought the tale to an abrupt halt. He turned to Rushing.

“Rushing, where are the fluffernutter sandwiches I asked you to bring up from the galley?!” he barked, “I’m absolutely famished!”

Rushing dashed off to retrieve the sandwiches and Turnips, calmed, began his tale with renewed vigor.

“You see, Zagig and his adventuring band delved deep into the Crypt of Lyzandred the Mad. Zagig remained for a short time to learn at the lich's feet and gained inspiration that would aid him well in the later construction of his masterpiece, Castle Greyskull! “

“Sir” said Fedor timidly, “I don’t quite get the connection between Snurre Ironbelly and the Crypt of Lyzandred. According to historical records, those events occurred a hundred years apart; in fact I had a dream about it last night where I was in a crypt; I ….”

Fedor was unable to finish the statement of foreshadowing because at that very moment of tranquility the foretopman cried the warning “Sahuagin attack!”

Immediately, the adventurers drew weapons and sundry magical devices. Rushing dropped the fluffernutter sandwiches on the deck where they were squished beneath Penna’s hobnail boots during the commotion.

The Admiral grimaced, “Sahuagin – they are so evil, they even hate the almost as evil ixitachitl –these sea devils are only befriended by the shark!”

Woodpecker-Smythe looked confused, “What’s an ixitachitl?”

Bocking sounded off first. “Oh don’t be such a dullard Woody, it’s a type of highly intelligent, chaotic evil manta ray.”

“What’s a manta ray?” Woodpecker-Smythe asked.

Sir Bocking was losing his temper.

"I mean that doesn't make any sense, I just don't get it, Is it some kind of wyvern? I'm a big fan of wyverns you know!" Woody continued ad nauseum.

“Oh good lord, who invited him on this trip?” he whispered, under his breath.

As this argument played out, the Sahuagin began to clamber aboard the Planetary Sovereign via their fiendish grappling hooks and fifty feet of naval grade rope. This, despite the best efforts of the crew. Compounding matters, crossbow bolts flew in a thick cloud across the deck - an extreme hazard to sailing safety no doubt!

Things looked dark for our party but just as the Baron Sahuagin was about to lead the final assault, his webbed feet became stuck in the large patch of fluffernutter Rushing had so carelessly dropped on the deck. Unable to move, the Baron was mercifully chopped into dozens of pieces by the heroic adventurers. Without a leader, the remaining Sahuagin attempted to flee but were similarly cut down by a variety of missiles, blades, clubs, maces and halberds.

“Wow! That was fun” exclaimed Penna the Younger.

Rushing joined in, “It sure was, I wonder where Fedor is though?”

Sadly, Fedor would be unable to enjoy their victory or share in the experience points for he had been slain at the hands of the evil undersea dwellers.

“Yep, too bad about Fedor, may he rest in pieces,” Sir Bocking lamented, “Let’s see what these boys have in their pockets!”

Naturally, the subsequent looting of the Sahuagin’s underwater city brought the party great treasure and lots of laughs. And, of course, Turnips was finally able to enjoy his fluffernutter sandwich in peace.