Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Not Again!


Following the telling of my marvelous tale, I leaned back in my seat expecting great applause and thank you's from my fellow travellers, however, I heard only what sounded like a pot lid slowly spinning on the stove top.

"Hmm, that's curious" I thought.

So did the Rakshasa hunter and his young apprentice evidently, as both stood leveling twin, ivory filigreed crossbows directly at me!

Most inconveniently, Sir Edbert chose this moment to begin bellowing at the top of his lungs something about Neptune being in the house of Mercury whilst dramatically raising his right arm and pointing directly at me.

Naturally, this alarmed me since it is well known that Neptune is the most cretinous and thieving of all planets.

More troubling though, even the girl guides looked a bit, should I say, perturbed. Each was reaching into her standard issue Girl Guide pouch to retrieve what looked like an assortment of implements such as wooden stakes, various holy symbols, vials and bunches of herbs.

I put my palms together and addressed the gathering crowd, "I say chaps, you must have me confused with someone else - I hope you didn't take my little 'drama' that seriously!"

I didn't seem to be winning over my fellows.

"Look, everyone, please be calm, we have had a couple of absolutely dreadful accidents but this is nothing to alarmed about, I am a gentleman after all!" I added hastily.

The remainder of my speech was interrupted by two sharp, familiar clicks and the sight of the associated crossbow bolts headed straight toward me.

My public school training assured me trouble was afoot as I expected the bolts to strike their target at any moment.

However, rather than striking my vitals both bolts splintered just prior to impact. In addition to relief I also detected the odor of gunpowder and turned to see Mr. Beabout, the farmer, with two shiny six-guns drawn, smoke exuding from the barrels.

"Huzzah, Excellent shot, I say, Beabout" I exclaimed to the assembled passengers "did you all see that? Simply amazing."

"Everybody freeze" drawled Beabout, I'm expectin' a visitor in a couple o' seconds, so ya'll jes relax and calm down.

That funny lid spinning noise grew louder as Beabout moved forward in the car. This peculiar noise was accompanied by flashing multi-colored lights and thereafter by the appearance, in a cloud of dry ice smoke, of a fantastically attired young woman holding a highly complex, whirring quasi-mechanical device.

"Hiya Lady Marzipan" said Beabout non-chalantly.

"Hiya Johnny Six-Guns, long-time no-see" replied Lady Marzipan.

"Is that a Q-Device in your hands?" I interjected being most curious.

I received no answer to my query, "Bonk" being the next sound I heard followed by a "Clunk" as I hit the floor,once again slipping into blissful unconsciousness as the scenery whirled about me .

As usual time travel seemed to be in the offing, I could only hope that I wouldn't be required to dance (pronounced 'daaanse' in this instance) for my captors.

1 comment:

  1. Bravo, good sir! A fine offing. I am particularly impressed with the Rakshasa reference. Who knew there were so many mythological creatures in Britain?

    I wonder where/when Lady M will send you?

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