
You may talk o' gin and beer
When you're quartered safe in 'ere,
An' you're sent to penny-fights in the guvment;
But when it comes to urinatin’
You will do your business without water,
An' you'll lick the boots of the man who fixes the johnny.
Now in Northern Virginia's sunny clime,
Where I used to spend my time A-servin' of 'Er Majesty the President,
Of all them blue shirted crew
The finest man I knew
Was our regimental Sloan waterfree flushless urinal repairman,
Sloan Valve Company Man.
He was "Sloan! Sloan! Sloan!
You limpin' lump o' brick-dust,
Sloan Valve Company Man!
Hi! slippery hitherao!
Urinal repair, get it!
Panee lao!
You squidgy-nosed old idol,
Sloan Valve Company Man.
"Thank the maker for your 2" drainline, which eliminates water and sewage costs and
helps reduce maintenance expenses.
helps reduce maintenance expenses.
'E carried me away
To where a dooli lay,
An' a bullet come an' drilled the beggar clean.
'E put me safe inside,
An' just before 'e died,
"I 'ope you liked your urination", sez Sloan Valve Company Man.
So I'll meet 'im later on
At the place where 'e is gone --Where it's always double drill and no canteen;
'E'll be squattin' on the coals
Givin' urination relief to poor damned souls,
An' I'll get to salute you in hell Sloan Valve Company Man!
Yes, Sloan! Sloan! Sloan!
You Lazarushian-leather Sloan Valve Company Man!
Though I've belted you and flayed you,
By the livin' Gawd that made you,
You're a better man than I am, Sloan !
Rudyard Kipling 1892
Poetry Corner notes: At my new office we have these delightful green technology urinals that promise to be flushless and waterless. Fantastic! Except there is a reason why in the relatively well-Irrigated eastern United States we don't have to have foul smelling bathrooms. These smells are the work of these brand new Sloan flushfree water free urinals.
Thanks goodness for the "you're a better man than I" line or I would never have known that it was Gunga Din. I am only semi-literate when it comes to poetry. I get confused when I can't find the rhyming scheme.
ReplyDeleteAn excellent addition to your Sloan series.
Sadly, not much ryhmes with "Sloan Valve Company"
ReplyDeleteWhat say we send this to Sloan World Headquarters? I'm sure they'd think it was ripping!
ReplyDeleteinfo.411@sloanvalve.com&subject=[SLOANVALVE.COM INQUIRY]&body=Question
My 'at's off to you guv'ner!
ReplyDeleteWell played - delightful!
W-S
I was/am very concerned about the implications of someone licking the boots of the urinal repair man.
ReplyDeleteThat's how a professional plumber really works, even really against the odds,he'd get you a satisfying result.
ReplyDeleteThis is a interesting read. Not sure how I came across a plumbing article, but interesting read.
ReplyDeleteInteresting article. Plumbing is a very important aspect in all phases of housekeeping.
ReplyDelete