Le Morte De Arthur

Lady M cradled Johnny Sixguns' beaten and bloodied head in her arms. He had been thrashed within an inch of life by the Lord Toranaga's Locathah henchmen in a vain attempt to solicit information about locating the remaining 6 parts of the Magic Dingus of 7 Parts. Toranaga was a wicked sorcerer indeed and he understood fractions, making him that much more dangerous.

"Wake up Johnny, wake up, I'll need you to help me escape" whispered Lady M in the darkeness of the sixth level dungeon cell.

Johnny groaned but luckily the light of life still flickered just barely in his sunken eyes.

Lady M spoke quietly, "I shall tell you a story Johnny, the story of how King Mark mocked Sir Dinadan and Sir Dinadan thought anon he just had seen these six knights and he thought in himself he would bring King Mark by some wile to joust with one of them. And anon they took their horses and ran after these knights well a three mile English."

Johnny interrupted her after her third 'Anon.'

"I can't understand a word you're saying. (hack, wheeze) I'd rather you recite a grand adventure like the kind I read about in the penny dreadfuls like M. Schmutzmacher's Derring Tales Dragon Quarterly (tm); 'Wyvern Hunting', 'at's the ticket (gasp, cough) Its a five part series (more gasping, wheezing, coughing) started last month. Tell me that story .."

Johnny had not the strength to finish so Lady M patiently replied "Very well Johnny, please attend and try to conserve your strength as I tell you this tale."

She began ....

“That was a jolly fine soup Mr. Jack.”

Mr. Jack was silent. He always was. If you could get him to say more than five words at a time, then you won a shiny penny. Of course, no one got a shiny penny. Or a yucky green one. Mr. Jack just nodded and smiled. The smile said something like, ‘When winter comes, I won’t be wanting for firewood. You’ll burn nicely.’ Though everyone knew he didn’t really think that. Maybe he did. He never said any thing.

It had been storming. The screeching of small animals getting struck by lightning had faded away. The scene in the parlor was a jolly one that would look nice on a Christmas card. One person hanging the star on the tree, a pair of lovers curled up with mugs of cocoa and a wild guest, passed out from all the sherry, that sort of thing. It was summer though, so no cocoa or stars. There was sherry.

Lady Jeanine looked out the window for any signs of a dreaded wyvern. They came swooping out of the sky quickly after the rain. “Not to fear about the wyverns Lady Jeanine,” came the voice of Mr. Simon. “I’ll have them taken care of.” Lady Jeanine turned around. Mr. Simon couldn’t get rid of wyverns. No one could. Her father had tried. They found his arm eventually, and offered to sew it back on but he had refused. “I’m not living here with those buggers around!” he had shouted at the sky. That was right before they came swooping back. What was left of father went to live in the city.

Mr. Simon was confident. He was also the Greatest Hunter in the Land ©. His hunting expeditions were exciting to hear of. If there was an animal out there, he would massacre it in some clever manner. Lately, he had been fascinated in wyvern hunting. He had spent months researching the scaly devils. Today it was all going to profit.

“How about a bit of sport, now that the rain has cleared,” he proposed. No one answered. Mr. Jack gave him a long stare. Mr. Simon continued. “Those bloody dragons have made this place unsuitable for good old English life. I say we shoot the damn things.” No one said anything again. The silence was getting on his nerves.

He turned to the skinny young lad known as Jonathan Eldritch. Jonathan was a healthy boy and might be keen on the idea. Jonathan cleared his throat in a quite irritating manner and said, “Those ‘bloody dragons’ are extremely dangerous, Mr. Simon. Hunting them is suicide.”

“Poppycock,” barked McAngus the Unknown Title. “Them things will be dead before sunset!”

Johnny turned his head upward. "Ooooooo, this is getting good," he said before passing out.